Update on my Letter to the Superintendent

Received a phone call within four hours of emailing the letter.  Unfortunately, I could not answer the phone because I was conducting an interview… He let me know I could call him back during the next day because he’d be available and in his office all day.  Great!

Then… I also received an email.  From the principal. Apologizing. It was kind of amazing, and if I thought it’d be okay, I’d insert it here…but I don’t want to get in any trouble. So, I’m leaving it at: she apologized.

Now, what do I do next?

Do I leave Joey in the current classroom?  The Superintendent said HE’D place HIS child in this teacher’s classroom.  Hands down, first choice.

OR, do I take Joey out of the classroom and move him to another classroom with another teacher?

Flippin’ flack.

HALP.

It's All About MEME

I received this meme request from Leigh’s Blog and finally remembered to do it.  I’m not passing it on, but you are welcome to share your answers with us.  Just because I don’t want anyone to feel obligated and/or feel like they’ve disappointed ME like I KNOW I had to have disappointed Leigh!

1. Where is your cell phone? bed
2. Your hair? short
3. Your mother? crazy
4. Your father? funny
5. Your favorite food? cheese
6. Your dream last night? looney
7. Your favorite drink? tea
8. Your dream/goal? happiness
9. What room are you in? bedroom
10. Your hobby? writing
11. Your fear? alone
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? upward
13. Where were you last night? Home
14. Something you aren’t? alone
15. Muffins? pumpkin
16. Wish list item? desktop
17. Where did you grow up? Chicago
18. Last thing you did? ate
19. What are you wearing? sweats
20. Your TV? expensive
21. Your pets? nonexistent
22. Your friends? few
23. Your life? busy
24. Your mood? melancholic
25. Missing someone? Yes
26. Vehicle? suburban
27. Something you’re not wearing? bra
28. Your favorite store? apple
29. Your favorite color? rainbow
30. When was the last time you laughed? now
31. Last time you cried? morning
32. Your best friend? Lana
33. One place that I go over and over? work
34. One person who emails me regularly? Mom
35. Favorite place to eat? Sushi

I have just sent this letter to my School District's Superintendent

October 19, 2009
Dr. Dale E. Mitchell
Superintendent

Dear Dr. Mitchell,

I am writing to you today as an extremely concerned parent.  I am the parent of a third grader by the name of Joseph Wilson.  He is, of course, attending Churchill School.  My experiences there, thus far, have not been positive.  I have reached the point where I am requesting my student be removed from his current classroom and  placed in a new classroom so that all parties involved (my son, myself and the teacher) can have a fresh start.

This began somewhat innocently with a letter sent home stating that my son is in the bottom 25th-50th percentile in his class in reading comprehension and fluency.  The letter also stated that he would be removed from his class for small group instruction around these deficiencies and that he would not miss any instruction.  I had huge concerns that any test determined my son had poor comprehension and fluency, as I know this to be incorrect.  I therefore called the teacher, Ms. Wood.  We spoke, I expressed my concerns, she convinced me to give it a week and that she would follow up with a phone call on Friday. I received no call on Friday.  I did,in fact, receive a call on Monday.  It was not the follow up to which we had agreed. In the call, the teacher requested I give it three weeks, that there would be no real way to see if he was misplaced because no one would be scoring his current tests as of yet (someone else besides her does that) and while he was focused, concentrating and showing understanding, three weeks should need to be given to show growth.  As I had explained, I didn’t believe he needed growth, I believed the teacher needed that small group opportunity to see that Joey has both comprehension and fluency.  So, I requested a meeting with her so that I could sit down with her to hear from her what she was seeing in the classroom out of Joey.

Within an hour, I received a phone call from the Principal, Ms. Coffey.  Right off the bat she told me I should just pull my son from the small group instruction if that was what I wanted.  What I wanted was a better understanding of what my son’s performance in the classroom looked like and what evaluations were determining his skill levels as low. Again, she told me I could just pull Joey and that the small group instruction was not needed if I did not want it.  I said fine.  At that point she wanted to know if I still wanted to come meet with the teacher.  I said yes, because AGAIN, I was looking for a better understanding of what my son’s performance in the classroom looked like and what evaluations were determining his skill levels as low. Ms. Coffey said fine, but that she would be there and sitting in on that meeting. I was speechless.

Dr. Mitchell, my experiences with the staff of Churchill have felt aggressive to say the least.  Have I felt put on the defense, yes. It begins with Ms. Coffey telling me that if all she was to deal with was the problems in her school, she might as well get a job selling shoes at Macy’s.  I’m sorry she looks so lowly at the work of retail.  Perhaps Ms Coffey should have looked in Joey’s file before the meeting and she would have known that I work retail.  I have degrees from both Northwestern University and Loyola University, where I received my Master’s of Education Administration and Supervision. However, I am quite happy to focus on my children currently and find no shame in my current line of work.  It’s too bad that your principal at Churchill feels the need to demean this line of work and cannot find a way to align with parents different from her. After that comment from her, I was told by her that I have a chip on my shoulder, that there is something “underlying” that I am not willing to discuss, and that when I am ready, I can come talk to her.  I am not sure where Ms. Coffey learned her interpersonal skills, but after being treated quite aggressively, her demeaning retail comments and her lack of empathy for where I am coming from, no, in fact, I will no longer be going to her to work on my concern’s for Joey’s performance in school.  After my description of Joey’s performance and skills in his current classroom with his current grades, Ms. Wood, the teacher, stated that she was going “slow” and that his current performance was no indication that he would succeed as the year moved on because she was going to pick up the pace and she would not provide assistance as she had been doing throughout the first month of school.  Wow.  This teacher is implying that my son would not be able to keep up.  Also, she showed NO FAITH that I, as Joey’s mother, would be assisting him at home or supporting his development during non-school hours.

Dr. Mitchell, after this meeting, I looked at Churchill’s school report card.  I need to advocate for my son. I am not being unrealistic.  Churchill’s lowest performing students in reading are boys, with only 28% earning a four versus 43% of all girls.  Also, black students are receiving lower scores in reading, with only 14% earning a 4 while 50% of all WHITE students are earning a four.  In the district’s 2009-2014 Strategic Plan, the writer states “The school and home should work together with one primary purpose: to create life-long learners”, as well as”Expectations help set the level of student achievement,” and finally, “The school should provide all students with the opportunities, tools, challenges, and motivation to achieve their potential.”

Dr. Mitchell, the only viable option for success at this point is a change in teachers.  They are learning centers, so I understand I must navigate this home-school relationship with Ms. Coffey.  However, I do not feel that Joey’s classroom placement will make him successful this year.  His teacher has already expressed her lack of faith in his abilities and in his success come her quicker pace of instruction.  Allow Joey to flourish in a less judgmental classroom with a teacher that believes he will succeed based on her expectations, that will set high expectations, that will provide Joey the opportunities, tools, challenges, and motivation to achieve their potential, even if it’s at my request.

Please call me at xxx.xxx.xxxx to further discuss Joey’s new placement.

Sincerely yours,

Angel Geden

I can't believe...

I am in so much pain.  And I am my mother’s daughter, because good goddamn can i make my life look good from the outside.  I can make things look a-ok.  And they are totally NOT.

I am in love with E.  My love story is not bullshit.  But, things are rough.  And when things are rough with E, things are really rough.  Not physically rough.  I’ve been in those relationships before (unfortunately) and I actually think that would be easier.  When things are rough with E, things are emotionally and mentally rough.

I don’t know how to handle it anymore.  I’ve described how we met and how quickly we went from “dating” to “family & home.”  That’s about how quickly we went from lovey-dovey to fighting like cats and dogs.  It didn’t help that his ex came out of the woodwork (yeah…you may have read the post “Prose…Breaking the Barrier”) and that caused all holy hell to be let loose.  We are still suffering the fall out of that, because that planted little mind bombs that go off at times I am unable to predict.  It doesn’t help that the XGF lives in our neighborhood. Or that her daughter and my son are in the same grade.  The two of them have…Who am I kidding, HE has lied to me about talking to her, seeing her (not planned, at the store or something), texting her… She, when I was pregnant, said she thought my baby was supposed to be her baby.  And he wanted to keep her around. “As a friend.” Despite my tears, the pain it caused me.  Knowing that he would spare her the feelings of cutting her off as a friend instead of my feelings of being slighted as the woman of the house.

I type this shit and I can’t believe that I take it, but I do.

Things may go well for a couple of weeks.  I am lulled into believing he is happy.  If ONE thing is off, BAM… “I can’t stand your ass!” “I shoulda left your ass at the bar!” “This shit ain’t gonna work for me!” “I just can’t do this!”

And the new one last night? Looking for an apartment.

I am trying to grow/be better.  He saw the XGF at school when dropping off the Thinker.  Later that day I receive a forwarded email from him. “XGF has sent you a message through Facebook…”

The message was written to me, though. Part of what she wrote?

In my opinion she was right to feel the way she did and you were right to put that distance there for the sake of your relationship with her.  I hope it wont be too awkward if and when I see you all…hope we can put this behind us.

Of course, Eric then proceeded to tell her to lie about seeing him.  I called her. I wanted to hear her tell me she didn’t.  But by then, Eric had given HER the green light to tell me the truth… GIVEN HER??? THE GREEN LIGHT???

I have since spoken with her.  I am trying to help make amends in the whole situation.  I guess I trying to be the “cool gf.” But last night I woke up after dozing off for a couple of hours to them chatting on fb.  And I guess I woke at the end of their convo. I suddenly became anxious. Wanted to know what the chat was about. And it didn’t help that she then typed… “Make sure you clear the chat history…”

WTF!!! I flipped out.  And E hated me for it.  Started looking for apartments.  Refused to talk to me.  Refused to sleep in bed.

I am so sad.  I am so lost.  He told me that my problem is her, so I should take it up with her.  And that I should take him at his word (despite all his previous lies).

So I called her.  I know.  I lost it. And I hung up before she answered, she called back and left a voicemail letting me know that I should call her back if I could and that she’d be up.

It’s too much.  I can’t have a successful relationship with him.  I don’t know if I can at all.  I guess I don’t trust him.  I guess he hurt me too much.  I want him to look at me and say, “I understand why you are hurt, still hurting, and I will wait for you to heal.” But instead he says he can’t stand my ass and that he has had enough.

I’m tired of being on the outside of my own relationship.  I’m tired of him calling the shots on what we can talk about and what we can’t because he’s “done discussing it.”

I need to find the answer to this.  I need to find my strength, myself in this.

I can’t believe that I’m here.  I can’t believe that he doesn’t love me enough to love ME.  As I am. Pain and all.

How do I move forward? Can it be with him?