I'm tired and greasy and I want to eat a bag of pretzel m&m's

It's 12:32 pm on my day off. It is not the day I had hoped and dreamed it would be.

My beloved s/o did not wake me up with a breakfast in bed or lavish me with kisses from cheek to cheek.

The twins woke early, despite being awake most of the night as well. The other boys did not arise best friends, pleasantly (and quietly) playing and SHARING with brotherly love.

S/o assumed I would get up and drive the twins to daycare (despite being my day off and who the hell wants to drive to their job on their day off, am I right or am I right?). He also assumed it's no big deal that although this is our only day off together in what feels like years (okay, maybe a week) he's going to run his errands and I'm going to run my errands (and take care of the other boys/house/picking up the twins) and ne'er the two should meet. Except maybe accidentally near or around the time of dinner (oh yes, which I should be cooking).

Life. It never seems to be what we expect it to be or what we feel it should be. Despite what we believe are our best attempts at making it so.

Instead of beauty this morning, I have greasy.
Instead of wonder this morning, I have tired.
Instead of family togetherness and love, I have a bag of pretzel m&m's.

But like they say, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

Imma eat the shit out this bag of pretzel m&m's.  Did I mention it's the one pounder?

It's all just a matter of meeting you yet

Yes. It's been one week since BlogHer '10 in NYC. Everyone and their uncle has done their recap (except for me). There I go again. Slacker.

I've been sitting back and enjoying the life I have, the friendships I've made and to what I have the joy of coming home. Let me explain.

A highlight of my trip to BlogHer was the fact that I was standing in the right place at the right time when the PlaySkool group started tearing down their booths. I was the lucky recipient of three PlaySkool Wheel Pals Party playsets. They were out of the boxes (yeah, um...so?) but they were three complete sets (polar party, jungle journey and farm friends) with extra sets of animals!

It was so exciting to drive home (blogher10roadtrip) knowing that my kids would be able to open a bag (or two) filled with these sets. And open they did. And excited they were. Jakey slept with them that first night I was home. He refuses to put down the little wheelie animals. They go everywhere with the twins. Bathtub, car, bed and all.

Next up on exciting and amazing is the women I met. Some of them, I had planned on meeting because they were my blogging and twitter friends. Since I was picking up @tomthegirl (blogher10roadtrip), she was a main focus of my trip. And, now, my life. If I was unsure of our connection, how easy it is to talk to her, to be around her, to enjoy the good and the bad and the ugly with her BEFORE meeting her (which I wasn't), I know NOW more than EVER that this girl will be in my life FOREVS. I've got this girl's back for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, through sickness and in health. For realzies, yo.

Also, major highlights of the BlogHer trip for me: meeting @linzlovesyou, an adorable little doll of a woman who made me feel like I *might* be cool. Meeting fellow mac lovah @kimt205, who spent many hours online with me and many other fabuladies last year at BlogHerAtHome. Meeting @superjules, another lovely little sprite who is a hot babe with a bad ass unicorn tatt. Meeting another mom of a Gabriel, @grace134, who I have followed and adored from afar this past year but got the pleasure of getting to know at a few par-tays. Meeting @looneytunes at the crazy-beautiful party after she tweeted that her gifts were up for grabs (SCORE and also THANK YOU). Meeting @countessmo, who despite her royal title makes everyone ELSE feel like a queen. Meeting @ewokmama, especially toasty at the CheeseburgHer party. Meeting @bibliosaurus, who after meeting makes you wish you knew her all of your life cuz she's super funny. Meeting @hangingwitmrsc after chasing her location down with tweets.  Meeting in person my roomies @knowmeloveme and @nakeva. But if they sawed another log there woulda been a BlogHer casualty...lol...

I know I'm PROLLY forgetting someone. I'm sorry. I love you, too.

I went to BlogHer unsure of my place in the internet/blogging/tweeting world. Maybe even unsure of my place in the REAL world. I'm 34, dammit. Sometimes, I still just don't know. I'm a "on the outskirts" kinda girl. The first night of BlogHer, I escaped from the Queerosphere party to call E and cry that I didn't belong there at BlogHer. He said, "Too late. You're already there. Might as well make the most of it." (yes, he's super full of compassion and shit *emphasis on shit*)

So I went back. And then went upstairs. And got under the covers. And logged into twitter. And wouldn't ya know it, that's the EXACT MOMENT that @looneytunes tweeted that her swag was up for grabs. Loralee! You know...from Loralee's Looneytunes! Woot! She basically just INVITED ME to HER PARTY. PERSONALLY.

At least, that's how I read it.

So I went. And I walked into that suite.

And I turned my ass around and walked right back out.

I stood outside that suite for ten minutes. Okay, maybe five. Possibly SEVEN MINUTES.

And I took a deep breath in and walked my ass right back in. And I started to mention that I had heard that some swag was up for grabs but before I could finish my sentence, the woman I was speaking to swooped me up and offered me this bag (my new favorite orange Hobo International Bag!) and some makeup (airbrush! and take all you want because all the "porcelain" and "ivory" is gone and you are blessed with COLOR!) and take extras for your roommates!

And then I froze. It was diet coke. Loralee's fave. It was there. Like she promised. Like she THREATENED. and I remembered that she had said so...that it would be there. And I said so (outLOUD!).

And she heard me.

And she stood up to meet me.

And she introduced me to her boss (the most fabulous woman in the world).

And they laughed because I knew that, too.

And I realized, I knew her. Even if she didn't know me, I knew her and that was cool and she wanted it that way. That's why she writes. That's why I write.

And I did belong at BlogHer '10. By the end of BlogHer, you couldn't a) keep me off the dance floor or b)convince me I didn't belong or even c) keep me from thinking we weren't friends. Even if I didn't meet you there. It's all just a matter of meeting you *yet*.

Wordless Wednesday

Thank you PlaySkool, this weekend was made when the twins

squealed with delight over their animal on wheels sets!
They have yet to put them down, literally sleeping and bathing with them.
And they ADORE their DORA shirts. And I big pink puffy heart@tomthegirl.

Away from Home

I am, for the first time in many, many years, away from home. Without my children. I have never spent more than 24 hours away from them. I am in mommy shock. And I’m going to try my hardest to work through it.

Part of my sadness is that I am not just away from home. I am away. from. home. for. THREE. weeks.

THREE WEEKS.

That’s a long time even for a grown up. At least, for this grown up.

*sigh*

Let me tell you, their dad just doesn’t understand, either. He asked me tonight, over the phone, “Come one, just tell me, it’s okay...isn’t there a part of you that’s just a little excited that you are away from the kids, you can wake up alone, not having to come home and cook dinner?”

The answer? A resounding, “No.”

Because I’m not. I’m just not. Maybe I’d like to sleep in, sure. But when I wake up (sleeping in for me would be sleeping until maybe nine. Maybe nine.), I want my babies there to kiss on and hug. There. is. no. better. way. to. start. my. day.

And as far as dinner? I love when my babies tell me, “Mom, that was the best dinner ever!” Even when all I did was make a box of mac and cheese and some burgers in the broiler. Maybe some homemade french fries.

Truth be told, life is hard. But, BUT... Those babies... My boys. That’s what makes it easier; makes the hard worth it.

Wordless Wednesday

Depending on the day, their roles may vary. But, in my motley crew, I always have a sweetheart, a stinker, a lady killer and a superhero.

Here i go on my iphone, take two

I already wrote this post once before. On my iPhone. Evidence that I am desperate to both blog and to better entertain myself on this road trip.

Because I have written these thoughts out once already, in eloquent words using thoughtfulness and wit, I am quite sure I am going to hate what comes out this time.

I am dedicating this two thumb typed up wordpress for iPhone app created bloggy goodness to this roadtrip. And, the main reason for this roadtrip.

No. I have not made a twelve hour trek from Chicago to Dumas, Arkansas for the fourth of July weekend because I heard they had a great fireworks display.

I am here because I am supporting dh and his family as they celebrate the life of the patriarch of the family, who passed away almost two years ago. They installed a headstone, and so combined that dedication with a family reunion.

Last time I was down here, was when aforementioned patriarch passed away. I was about 12 weeks pregnant with the twins. Dh and I were still trying to work out some, um, kinks(?) in our relationship. The trip south was probably not the magic serum that would heal our wrongs and make them right. It began with the fact that dh's head was not in a good "relationshippy" place. Our unexpected oops pregnancy quickly moved to an oh shit twin pregnancy. And the legendary hospitality of the south, at least for this city mouse, turned out to be more...Well...Ya see...

Okay. City mouse. In the country. I am not a city mouse that can easily transition to a country mouse role. And while I was pregnant when I went down south, I was clearly not barefoot. Which, I am not sure dh's cousins could appreciate. Being pregnant, and therefore unable to drink, which is the most common way to pass your time down in Dumas, Akansas, and being this was the first time I was meeting dh's large extended family, I was a wee little bit uncomfortable.

Add to that the fact that one of his male cousins actually TOLD me to go into the kitchen with the women folk, so that dh could crack open a few with the men...

And, while I am TOTALLY NOT opposed to dh crackin' open a few, I AM OPPOSED to being told what to do. As well as, when to do it. Especially when being told by another grown up that has no place to do so. And even less when I am uncomfortable in the first place.

It was bad. And I have a mouth on me. And with the double baby boy hormones shooting through me at the time, dh and I were at each other's throats. The trip almost ended in our separation.

So, here it goes. Family, take two. Of course, dh and I are in a completely different place in our relationship. We know each other better, react to each other better.

But, he's part country mouse. And I'm all city mouse.

I'm gonna try. Because my country mouse has taught me, nothing beats a failure like a try.

I'm nothing if not honest...

*****Warning. Today's post may offend your tastefulness for words, your parenting skills or just you. Period. No apologies. Just a warning.*****

So. Today demands a post. It's Thoughtful Thursday and it's been a week. I'm procrastinating preparing for a road trip to Dumas, Arkansas. Family reunion! WooHoo! I'm sure THAT will give me fodder for weeks of blogs to come.

But for today...

The other morning, I was getting ready for work. As is standard protocol, I turned on the tv to entertain the babies with pictures and noise while I attempted to do my hair. I normally flip to Disney , but on this day, I noticed it was on discovery and felt that that channel would probably be okay, educationally speaking, and I was running late...

The Discovery channel at this time was broadcasting an episode of births. So, babies crying definitely caught the attention of the toddlers. However, the women SCREAMING is what caught the attention of The Thinker and Mama's Boy. Before I noticed, I had four little boys crowded around my television in my bedroom, being educated on giving birth. In color. Up close.

There began a barrage of questions that were interesting.

Mama's Boy: Mama, what's wrong with that baby?

Me: He's having a hard time breathing, so they needed to help him with a C-PAP. That means continuous positive airway pressure. Your brother Chops needed that. Most babies that need that will be okay.

The Thinker: Ew, that baby is covered in junk! What is that?

Me: Well, before babies come into the world, they are living inside their mommy in a lot of liquid, and they need to be cleaned after they are born. But he'll be okay.

And then the question I wasn't anticipating. I was preparing for the cliche, "How are babies made?" or "Where do babies come from?" Nope. Not LUCKY enough to get either.

Instead, I got...

The Thinker: Mom, how do babies get OUT?

WOW. What do I say? Let me explain they I have never hid the fact that boys have a penis and girls have a vagina. I am not a "hoo-haa" or "ding-dong" or "wee-wee" kind of mom. Of course, I have paid the price when The Thinker, about 3 or 4, told everyone that girls have a 'jiy-na. Wow, was I red in the face. So, they have the vocabulary. So, I went dead medical on them.

Me: Well, you know that boys have a penis and girls have a vagina. The vagina is also the birth canal. Which means, it is how a baby comes out into the world.

*insert boys with open mouths and chins hanging to the floor HERE*

Me: Of course, you were all born be C-section. Which means that a doctor had to cut me open to take you out right near my belly. That's what {this scar} is from.

Mama's Boy: Why were we born that way?

Me: Well, it was safer for The Thinker to be born that way because he was breech. Babies' heads are supposed to be down because that's how they are born easily. But The Thinker wanted to hold his head close to my heart...

Mama's Boy: And my head was too big, right!

Me: Oh yeah. You couldn't get out any other way. Way too big. Way.

Well, we all had a great big laugh over that. And it eased my mind about my teaching philosophy with my children.

Like I said...I'm nothing if not honest...

And maybe it'll keep them from having babies before they're...thirty or forty...