Tuesday, August 20, 2013

A boy, a son but so much more

My son Gabriel is 5. He is off to kindergarten this year.

He got to select a backpack.

This is the backpack he selected.

I could tell his brothers and dad were uncomfortable with his choice. He chose a girl backpack. He is a boy

Are you sure that's the one you want? Don't you want a boy one? were questions asked by each of them.

I told him, "Babe! If that's the one you want, you should get it."And then I got him the matching Rainbow Dash Pony Pop Vinyl figurine.

I struggle with this 100% acceptance of him because I know the world does not accept him 100%, not because I don't accept him. I do. I adore him, all of his tastes and choices. But the world? Will the world accept him? I mean, his brothers and father barely accept him.

But this is not going to end, as his dad once said it would, over four years ago, as my baby boy asked to put on my eye shadow and nail polish. 

It is not a "phase."

It's not a phase when you go shopping to the Disney Store and your 5 year old son begs for the Rapunzel dress. (Thank goodness my mom was in town so I could look at her as the silent stream of tears ran down my face...it's not that I am disappointed in my son! It's just that I am scared for him) I did not get him the dress. I explained it was $44 and I had offered to get both of the twins something between $10 and $12. He understood and I got him the Tinkerbell doll with moveable wings.

He is in kindergarten now. And on his first day of school his class made 'mirrors' with self-drawn images of themselves glued to foil. They got handed a piece of construction paper to make their mirror. His teacher's one comment from day one? Gabe was upset he didn't get a pink mirror. I've discovered I now wonder if his teacher wondered what that meant...

But I need to stop. I need to stop worrying and I need to keep loving. I want to just enjoy him for the precocious, funny, smart, engaging, talented, imaginative child that he is. What will come, will come. And my love is strong enough no matter what any of this means. Because he is Gabriel. He is sunshine and rainbows, and reading and writing and stopgogabe. He is princesses and balloons, and beautiful colors and favorite books and playing at the park. He is classical music and ballerinas and fairies and the beach and water and sand and sun. He is pretzels at the mall and homemade cookies before bed. He is one-fourth my heart. 

He is a boy, a son but so much more.


  1. Yes, Gabe is all those things and more. And you are unconditional love.

    1. Thanks, mama! I am absolutely, head over heels I love with this boy.

      And if he needs a mama bear, I will be that. A mama lioness? I'll be that. A mama dolphin? Yup, that too. Or just me, flawed and scared but brave because he is JUST SO DARN SURE OF HIMSELF- then that's what I'll be. Because it is for my boy.