Saturday, November 24, 2012

On a night when you need it, look and you may find it

On a night when you need it, look and you may find it...

Tonight, I stumbled upon this... Mara Glatzel's blog post.

That led me to write. (Thank you, Mara!)

My truth in ten seconds...

I am broken. But my broken is okay. I am working at being better. And that is good. But I am lovable and wonderful right now. I deserve happiness. I deserve love. And I deserve to heal and mend as I can, in my time.

What I must learn?

Some things will be ultra painful..other breaks will take longer to heal. A broken femur, because of the size of the bone, would be the most painful bone to break. A toe or a rib, because of its location of the bone and almost impossibility to stabilize the area, may take longer or may be slower to heal because we cannot stabilize the two broken pieces to each other.

We put stress on our ribs and our toes. Our ribs and toes are in constant use. Our arms and our legs are not quite as delicate and have room for casts and, if needed, could have pins placed in them to stabilize the break. They have more density, more substance. More time to sit out of use...more time (and ROOM) to heal.

And so our hearts are as our ribs and toes. We hold in our hearts hope. And faith. And love. EVERY DAY we use our hearts. Every moment we have something in our heart's aspirations, our heart's desires, that is within our grasp...sometimes those things slip away. Sometimes, those things are fleeting and sometimes they stick around. Even after they hurt us. Or harm us. Or poke little holes into our dreams.

What falls through those holes is sometimes someTHING that was good to have slipped past us or through us or on to the next person. But sometimes those things are exactly what we need. And then we feel like bottomless cups. Because no matter how much we pour into our hearts, no matter how quickly we pour, no matter how quickly we try to patch those holes...what we need still slips away.

What bandage can we put on our hearts that will allow us to heal in time for the next use? Like our ribs, our toes, our hearts are in an awkward position in our bodies to be mended properly...our hearts, our souls, they are intangibles. They are melodically magical and magnificent because they are exactly what we imagine them to be and nothing at all ponderable at the same time. We chase our hearts with bandages and all the while forget the elusive and ethereal qualities of them.

Our dreams, our hopes, our faith, our love are as grand as they are because of the incorporeal nature of our hearts.

Thank God for that, right? Because without that impalpable quality, who would ever love recklessly? Who would ever dream crazily? Who would ever hope indefinitely?

And while it may hurt in the moment, we know...

We are always human becomings. We are always becoming more us.

You are always coming closer to the truer you. I am becoming a better me.

And we must remember this. Tonight and every night.



4 comments:

  1. GORGEOUS. Thank you so much for linking to me here Angel, I'm grateful that you got so much out of my post. And ABSOLUTELY you deserve all of the love and kindness and to mend and heal in your own time. Phenomenal post.

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  2. Angel, the way you express yourself is so powerful it makes my heart ache a little. Because I'm a human becoming on the mend, too. Friendship, staring out at the ocean, running like the wind, my Aumies....all stuff helping me along the way. Especially INSTA-friendship :)

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  3. You are such an amazing writer Angel!! But even better than the writing itself, the raw openness of your feelings is enviable. I can almost feel your feelings dripping off the page - Well, my screen. The idea that we are all broken in some way and continually mending to become closer to our truer and better selves is something everyone can surely identify with. Hugs, girl!

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  4. I'm so glad you came back to post some more. I love your writing, and your becoming project is wonderful.
    I'm not going to comment on every post, but I want to say that I pray that your uncertainties are cleared and you are finding happy through this project.

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