Something I would like to do in my life? I'd like to go to the country of Chile. Learn Spanish and travel there.
You saw it in my last post. The sperm donor was born there.
Chile has passed a law stating that if one of your parents is from there, you have the right to citizenship. It's not that I want to be a citizen there, live there full time. But, I can't explain what it has felt like to have been raised in my neighborhood, with stares, feeling like the literal "black sheep."
And so, a trip to Chile.
The coolest thing happened to me when I was 17 years old. It was the summer after I graduated from high school and I worked at Rolling Stone Records in a suburb in Illinois. I was working my shift as a cashier and an older gentleman approached the counter. He told me I should be a model (which felt like a line) and that I was gorgeous (which also felt like a pickup line). But then he guessed my heritage. "You're chilena, no?"
Oh. My. God. That was so cool!
I LOOK like something? Like someone? Like I belong to this group???
I had no idea, of course, because it had been too many years since I had contact with the sperm donor. And his family kept no contact with me. But that solidified my curiosity in who I really was, who I really am.
Don't get me wrong. I am a Polish girl. Sometimes I only talk about being raised in a good Polish-American Catholic family. I don't speak the language, but I know the culture. At least the second/third generation American culture. Pope John Paul II was a HERO in my house. My grandma brought me to be blessed by him when I was 3 when he came to Chicago in 1979.
But, this hidden secret, that OTHER PEOPLE COULD SEE? That I was a Chilena? That I belonged?
I want to look into the eyes of people in Chile and see myself. I want to feel the passion of the culture and find in myself an answer, finally, some peace...no, I am not crazy, I do have stirrings of these people, this passion in my soul. I have found a missing piece of me...and now I can find some peace in my heart...