Wordless Wednesday: Twins

Winter Twins

Home From NICU Twins

Run My Fingers Through Your Hair Twins

Put My FIngers in Your Mouth Twins

I Got Your Back Twins

Let's Get In Trouble Together Twins

On Call 24-7 and Father's Day

***This draft was started on June 16, 2009. I'm finishing it today, June 21, 2009, in honor of Father's Day.
It's about my children's father.***

Having a significant other that is on call for work 24-7 can be a real drag. Example: He works. He left at 4 am. He's not home until 7:30 pm. He gets ten hours off until he might get called again. Maybe he gets a day off (of course, I'll be at work myself). Maybe he doesn't. Maybe he'll be at home for those fleeting moments in the morning when I can come to the edge of our bed and give him a peck, "Muah. Bye, babe!" Then, he gets called to work. Probably 12 pm or 1 or 2 or 3 pm...drag. Bummer. Cuz now he probably won't be home until well after 10 pm.

For example, tonight.

He worked yesterday. Gone by the time I woke up. He worked today. Came home to an empty house. Still not here. Just me, house quiet except for the sounds of my fingers gliding over the keys...

Lonely. Sad.

And now. Today is Father's Day. A day to celebrate the amazing men of your life. The fathers, father figures, godfathers, grandfathers, uncles, teachers, coaches, male role models that have influenced you, your life, your path, your dreams. Myself, I have my father. My American Father (what my sissy Banana calls him). He is, for lack of space and time and will to speak about it, our second chance at a great dad. Latin dad didn't do such a hot job. American dad is amazing. I'm a lot like him, despite not sharing his chromosomes. I've learned that blood and genes cannot make up for time and love and care.

My children are blessed to have my s/o. Their dad, Eric, is amazing. He spoils them with kisses (oh daddy, not the itchies! only when he's not shaved in a couple days), hugs, love.

But he works on call. So, some days are very hard for us. Especially when, as we are driving up to the house, The Thinker notices that daddy's car is not there..."Oh, Mom! Is Daddy at work...again?!?!!"

We were WALKING out the door today to go to the skating rink when lo and behold, his phone ring. "Railroad." Just the sight of his company's name popping up on his phone screen drives me batty. Why! Why today???!!? Why. RIGHT. NOW.

I guess it's okay. I mean, I guess it's actually GREAT and MARVELOUS and STUPENDOUS that he has a job and is not in jeopardy of losing it.

But there are just so many moments! SO much that is missed! I hate not being able to PLAN. I hate that things are never really solidified. I hate that he can be scooped away at a moments' notice.

I hate that it happened today, Father's Day, our day to celebrate him and all his daddiness. But, I'm still thankful that he is my children's father. And, he'd climb mountains and swim oceans and walk over coal to be with his children.

He's a true caretaker though. A roof -over-your-head,food-on-the-table kinda guy. So if he's gonna climb, swim or walk, he'd prefer to do at after he's made the money to pay the bills. And, I'm not afraid to say it, that makes me feel safe and, hey, it's kinda sexy, too.

Random Thoughts Thursday

At four am this morning, I had a random thought. THought starts with TH like THursday. THat would make for a good THitle title for my blog today. And, I might have some material for THat.

This may be quite an eclectic collection of thoughts and ideas. Please continue at your own risk.

1. If I spent as much time feeling confident about my abilities as I do feeling diffident, I would probably run the world. Or at least my own company. I waste A LOT of time worrying and being paranoid that I am not good enough. That's bullshit! Why do I do that to myself? I have a great education (BS and M.Ed) and I'm intelligent. But, in the area of confidence, MAN, I'm an IDIOT!

2. I worry too much. I worry about work, home, each child, my weight, my looks, my s/o, the weather, what I'm eating, what I'm not eating, if I blogged, if I haven't blogged. Holy CRAP! I think WAY too much and it's no wonder that I have no confidence because I'm always worrying. There's no time left in my day for confidence with how worry has been booked into my schedule.

3. I need to dust more often. Okay, that's a lie. I'm actually laughing as I type this. I need to START dusting. I can say with full confidence (ohmigosh. I DO have SOME confidence!) that since we moved into this house a year and a half ago, I have not dusted. Other people drive cars with "Save the Whales" bumper stickers. I drive with "Save the Dust Bunnies" bumper stickers. What? They are not extinct, possibly endangered, however I have a wild reserve for them under my couches, beds, fridge and televisions. Don't criticize. It allows me to file for tax-exempt status.

4. Sometimes I regret that I am no longer in the professional field for which I am "degreed." And, while I miss teaching and administration, I don't miss having to bring work home. I DO, however, miss the other half of my salary. *sigh*

5. I am a fiercely loyal and dedicated friend. I am not good at making friends, though. I want people in my inner circle but I am afraid to let people into it. Therefore, my BFF is my sister, Lana Banana (pronounced LAH-nah bah-NAH-nah, not how one normally says "banana"). And now I live like 50 miles from here which is far, but not far. But far enough that I don't see her that often.

6. The best thing that ever happened to me is becoming a mom. HOWEVER, I have to admit that the COOLEST thing that ever happened to me is having twins. They are amazing. It's crazy to watch the two of them go at it...LOVE/hate relationship times 1,000,000,000. As a twin mommy, I feel like I have been given a privilege to be involved in their existence.

7. The Thinker is a lot like I am now, as a person. Mama's Boy is a lot like I was as a child. I feel bad for The Thinker.

8. My sister and I are hysterical together. She's brutally mean in a funny and honest way. My mom hates HATES LOATHES when we get along. Probably because she's often the brunt of our humor OR because she doesn't understand it. I want to write a screenplay with my sissy because it'd be worth ka-jillions of dollars and we'd be stars because it'd be so funny and everyone would love it.

9. It's really quiet in my house right now. That never happens unless it's the middle of the night.

10. I need to wash clothes. Badly. No, seriously. I'm screwed if it's not warm outside today because all the twins have left clean is shorts.

11. I totally psyched about my new Otterbox case that I won from AMomTwoBoys. I would NEVER have spent the money on one, but I've been dying for one.

12. I'm doing something completely selfish by getting myself the new iPhone 3GS. I'm usually completely selfless when it comes to money and how we spend it as a family. But, as I work for Fruit, I feel like I should get to share in this excitement of a new product launch and be that fangirl that I am and upgrade the used Original iPhone that I first had (used as in not mine from first day of purchase and I bought it from someone else) to this one. DammitIdeserveit. I think s/o probably thinks otherwise (and is probably a little jeally. But, I'm sticking to my guns. I'm getting that phone tomorrow!

13. If you are reading this right now, Hi!

14. I told you this would be random.

15. It's thundering right now. That real, deep, guttural thunder. The kind that lasts 15 seconds, sounding impending but never ending with the crack of lightning. I like that kind of thunder.

16. When I was a little girl, my grandma told me that thunder and lightning was the angels up in heaven bowling. I like that.

17. I miss my grandma.

18. I am the oldest child of four girls. I gave birth to four boys.

19. Northwestern University is totally overrated. I mean, come on...I graduated from there.

20. I went to an all girls high school. I loved it and wouldn't trade that for anything. Even though I'm 33, when I see our old rival high school (which, when I was growing up, wasn't often because they were south side chicagoland, but is, as of late, often since I now reside in the south side suburbs), I wanna say shit like, "Oh, you go to McAuley...hmph..."

Okay. My alarm just went off and I'm supposed to get up and get ready for work. Hope you enjoy your day!

I have this blogger block...

I probably don't even have to explain this to most of you reading this.

I just did't know what I should write/want to write about.

I think it might be because I'm happy.

My children seem to be happy (occasional tantrum). And growing (shit, all FOUR need new shoes!). And fun for me to be around (most of the time).

I just won a contest on AMomTwoBoy's blog (so exciting) for a new iPhone 3G case (WooHoo, Friday new iPhone, here I come!).

Things at work seem...calm (no one's spread a rumor or talked shit about me lately...that I know of...in the last few days...).

Dooooodie, doooooo... [insert twiddling thumbs here]...

So, what's my prob?

I'm a BlogHer (party) virgin. I'm a Bloggy Mommy Newbie.

And...

...I think I'm scared. BlogHer is coming up. I'm not going to the conference (wasn't blogging seriously before tix soldout). I only recently started really writing at all on this Blog-o-Mine. But, I have blogged (and even more, learned to TWEET) with so many of these cool ass mommies, that I really, really, really want to go the the parties (or at least the Thursday night stuff) to meet some of these awesome moms (of which many must live in LA or somewhere around LALA land because now I have like 20 twitter accounts following me named "parenting in LA" or some version of that...).

And so, I want to go, but...I'm from the Chicago land area (so no party planes for me) and I don't have any IRL girlfriends (that I know of) that are attending BlogHer 09.

So. This is my block.

No one to take Cinderella to the Ball...

Can I walk in alone? Even if I CAN walk in alone, of which I'm sure I COULD...I CAN"T...

I've never been that girl that could go out to eat alone. Or to the movies alone. Well...I can SHOP alone.

I've RSVPed, but any suggestions on how to get Cinderella past the pumpkin and rags?

Wordless Wednesday

Joey and Eddie, Ages 5 and 3

Taken by TheMommyTsunami. January 1, 2006.

I'm 33, and I love my age

I am 33. I love it. I love every second, minute, hour, day...you get the point.

I love being 33. And all the years that come with it. But the comments, not so much. "Ohmigod. You're 33?" "That's sooooo old!!" "Oh, so, like, you like, know a lotta history stuff?"

I'm 33, damn it! Not 133!!!

I was born in 1976. Yup, '76. A BiCentennial Baby, my first knit blankets are red, white and blue. But that's not all...it gets better.

This is me, 33 years ago, in my plaid bicentennial edition high chair...

I have pictures of myself with my mom and dad, and I kid you not, you'd think I was born to Michelle Pfieffer and Al Pacino, straight outta ScarFace. Looks, clothing, attitude and all.

Some of my first portraits (SEARS) are done with me wearing paisely shirts and stripe overalls. I have on butterfly collars. I'm wearing kangaroo shoes. From the first time they were sold.

Note the 1970's hue to the color...

Why do I love being 33? What is so great? Especially when I work with a bunch of mere children that barely graduated from high school let alone college and find it exhillerating to finally be moving out of mom and dad's house into a garden apartment a block from the el and all of the "coolest hangouts?"

Because. I was there. I was there the FIRST TIME. When it ACTUALLY HAPPENED. Such as:

1. Michael Jackson. I was there when he was black. I was there when the only creepy he was, was when he was the zombie outta the Thriller video. I was a member of his fan club. I had a button to prove it. I had a single shiny glove and a funky red jacket and I remember when his head caught on fire on the set of a Pepsi commercial.

2. Rollerskates. That's right, bitches! Before "In-line" and "Blades" there were just plain old SKATES. Four wheels. Loose laces. Good times in a rink with an girls skate in which all the boys lined up to get their hands slapped. Maybe they still do that. I dunno.

3. Saturday Night Live. It's worth this mention. Because, although some people think it's funny now, it's not even close to how it used to be. Dan Akroyd, John Belushi, Gilda Radner, Eddie Murphy, Billy Crystal... Those guys made the most memorable skits, characters and moments on the show. And, for much of my unguarded and misspent youth, I watched most of it unravel. I perfected my Fernando, my Buckwheat, Baba Wawa and Judy Miller, "Jane, you ignorant slut," the fish-o-matic...ahhhhh, those were the days.

4. I didn't have to watch "Nick at Night" to watch all of the BEST sitcoms on tv. I adored the typicals: The Electric Company, 3-2-1 Contact (BLOODHOUND GANG!!!!), The Cosby Show, A differnt World, Different Strokes, Mr. Belvidere, Benson, Webster...and some not so typical: Small Wonder, Perfect Strangers, Alf, Out of this World...I'm sure I'm missing some...

5. My cartoons weren't overly violent OR overly PC. For example, I GOT TO WATCH Speedy Gonzalez (a personal fave). Tom and Jerry didn't have to have stupid voices AND their Mamie didn't have to sound so...so...not like a Mamie. And I'm sorry, but She-Ra, He-Man, and Thundercats (I love you, Schnarf! Schnaaarrrrrrf!) were the BOMB.

6. This clothing and shoe thing...I was prolly there the FIRST time it was hot...for example, YOU DID NOT START A TREND with Dr. Scholl's, Jelly Shoes, or Roos. Before skinny jeans, we tightened and rolled (that's right!), and WE wore leg warmers. YEARS AGO. In fact, I might still have my blue leg warmers that I wore to the BOZO show and which are OLDER THAN you somewhere in a box in my basement...

That's my bleach blond mom on the left, poppin' her collar

7. My mom was a Disco Queen and my dad danced like John Travolta. What can you say? "Oh, dude....my mom was such a member of the X-generation and my dad was totally awesome at keg stands..."

You might be wondering, "Why, MommyTsunami, why are you going through this list?"

Cuz, I can.

Cuz, it should be documented.

Because I am not SOOOOOOOO old like you mentioned so ungracefully at work. I guess it's a compliment to say there's noooooo way that I look 33 or like I have 4 kids. But, HOW BAD SHOULD I LOOK for being 33?

I mean, seriously...Whatchou talkin' 'bout, Willis?

No, seriously...WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??? I'm young. Damn it.

Sometimes, Being a Mom is Lonely

Sometimes being a mom is lonely.

Well, for me. I am a full-time working mom. I cannot go on field trips, host class parties, do play dates after school. When the teacher sends a newsletter home for the week, No, I cannot be your last minute computer lab helper. I am booked for the week. And next week, and probably the week after that. With work. And when it comes down to it, unfortunately, I need to save my sick time for when my kids are sick. Because they probably will be sick soon. And my vacation time? Practically non-existent. Because, I have probably used all of my sick time up when my kids are sick and I have to stay home with them or keep them out of daycare...and then I beg my boss to give me that vacation time when they are sick again.

So, as a result, I have yet to meet all of those moms my mom told I would meet and become friends with...the moms of my children's classmates. I think I know three or four out of the forty-ish that there are between The Thinker's class and Mama's Boy's class.

And I have yet to really spend anytime getting to know the moms of my kids' teammates. One mom I sat with last game that The Thinker had...we chatted. She shared how all of her girlfriends are single with no kids or married, but still no kids (me, too!). How it was hard to find those friends that understood that no, I cannot just run out without a baby sitter and at least two to three hours notice (me, too!). Or that sometimes, I have to cancel plans last minute because someone is exceptionally crabby or ill (me, too!). We had a pretty great convo. But, no numbers were exchanged. Just a couple stories. Maybe we'll talk again at the next game?

And there is work. I work for Fruit. Very few employees are even married, let alone have children. I know there are people there that feel it is unfair that I work my mostly Monday through Friday schedule, with mostly 9-5 schedule. But what can I do? Dh works on call 24-7. I have no one that I live by that could just "take my kids" last minute to school or be with them after daycare.

I feel, therefore, alone. I am not sure who I have to share this feeling with. In my own family, my mother spent most of her mothering years as a stay-at-home mom. My sister, mother of three, is also a stay at home mom.

I feel lonely. I feel guilty for not doing all that school stuff. I feel bad that I cannot do playdates, that I have not arranged social invites and that I am not sure who will show up at their summertime birthday parties because I don't know where to send the invitations.

I am trying. But how do you know who to reach out to? Why do I feel like women have been taught to put on their "face" and put up with their conditions?

I am far from home. Away from my mom and my sister. Light years from high school friends and college buddies in both mileage and life experiences.

I am this mom, and sometimes I am lost.

How Twitter Has Made My Life More Fun

Ok. I've been away for a couple few several days. I was gonna write a post on Monday, named "Manic Monday." The irony in that is that the day I was thinking about it, it was actually Tuesday...already...as in, crap, was Monday sooooo bad that I never figured out that it's over and already Tuesday? Does that make today Terrible Tuesday?

And then Tuesday ended up with a trip to Urgent Care for Cheeks. We were there from about 8 pm until 11:30 pm. It was looooooong. And he was crabby. And I was tired. After that trip, I ended up having to make a trip to a 24 hour Walgreen's. They were so backed up, that was followed with a two hour wait. Sleep was possible by about 2:30 am. But Cheeks woke up through out the night-of course he did! He had a double ear infection and a fever of 104!

That brings us to today (Wednesday). The whole family overslept this morning. I had to drive The Thinker and Mama's Boy to school (they usually take the bus), walk them in for tardy passes, and then get to work (almost late...but not quite).

While at work, several co-workers had asked about my child, "Sickie" as named in my tweets. I was shocked!

They read my tweets!

They cared!

And I realized...and I am trying to be not cheesy about this, but, Twitter has brought me a group of friends that I had never know before, a group of acquaintances from work closer to me (maybe)? Using twitter, I have been able to expand my universe and make it more fun.

I have found moms and dads, those who have experienced the NICU, those who have their own multiples, those who are in their 30's and living an edgier/less soccer mom life.

I have found comrades who love their iPhones, their blogs and sharing a look at their life with strangers who have become virtual friends.

I have shared tears with people I have never met, shared tears over people I will never meet.

I have laughed and adored the stories of other families and their children.

Thank you twitter. But more importantly, thank you my new tweeple. I look forward to more!