Saturday, June 10, 2006

I am an off and on insomniac...

...and have been since, oh, I think 1 1/2. No, seriously. My mom tells stories of finding me up and out of my crib and watching TV at 2 in the morning. This is one of those evenings. I still resemble that 1 1/2 year old, except now I come equipped with laptop.

But there is just something exciting about being awake when everyone else that lives in "your world" (read...timezone) is asleep and snug in their beds.

And that "exciting" exists in my house after everyone is asleep. I think I stay up, sometimes way too late, just to experience the calm that is underneath the storm of life within our home. I begin to put the boys down at 8:30ish, but it is always at least one more hour before little Crash truly stays in bed and falls asleep. That leaves me at 9:30. Then DH is up, runs an errand, stops by a friend, watches a game...whatever it is, he isn't quiet until 11 pm AT LEAST. Hence... is 12:39 pm and here I sit, in front of "Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery" and a glaring laptop.

The volume is down. I think I leave the tv on just to drown out the "white noise" of moving imagery in my world. All I hear is the hum of the refrigerator every once in a while and the clacking of my finger tips on the keyboard. It is relaxing.

Otherwise, the house is filled with silence. I could have gone out tonight, but I REALLY found that I didn't want to go out...would have required effort and noise. I opt for the couch and the computer. Nothing like a good blogging.

I need to hear this silence every once in a while ("Enjoy the silence..."). The silence drowns out the stress, the anxiety of how "EEEEEEEEEE" life can be at times. Underneath all of the racket is the peace and quiet we all desire. We just need to be patient and wait to find it.

Some of us find it in a mall (I know I do sometimes). Some of us find it in a cafe (yup, me too). Church hold that element for others. And then there are those of us that need to find it in the places where we exist on a daily if to reassure ourselves that we are not crazy, there is sanity in our lives despite the voices in our heads (some real, some imagined :) ).

I used to do this as a teacher too. I would come to the building at 6:45 am or so. Walking hallways as my shoes hitting the floor were the only sounds breaking the code of silence in the wee hours, I felt my inner calmness. I used that connection to the building to remain centered during a hectic day of teaching. Some people thought I did it to "get a jump" on planning or grading papers, but the reason was truly more primal than that.

Right now I can feel my breath as it connects to the life of the house. I can feel my roots in the foundation and I can tell that tomorrow will be a really good day, because I took the time to remember that I am a person with a mind and a soul and a body that need to have attention paid to them.

So, on that note, I just ask that anyone that does me the pleasure of reading this blog also takes a second for himself/herself. Remember that you are worth that second. Heck, you're worth more than a second. Go to your "place" and find your peace. It doesn't matter where your place a book, a nail shop (yay, mani/pedi!), a mall, starbucks, church, the bathtub. Rejuvenate yourself and your spirit. It'll make you a happier person and that's good for everyone.

~A wild peaceful thing


  1. OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I so get IT!!! I feel like I wrote this entry. I often suffer from insomnia, but I enjoy the time alone without the hustle and 4 yr old autistic son driving me insane or the teens with their incessant bickering over the TV, video games, phone...take your pick! Ugghh! I love the night, the only sucky part is that I still have to wake up at the crack of dawn and get them up and out of the house!

    Just wanted to let you know...there's someone out there feeling just like YOU!

    Take care!

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